Chasing a Ghost...

Chasing a ghost.. for Five years.... 

I have been on a chase for the longest of time. Something that was mine at one point or another.. My not have been in this life but another. Yes i do believe strongly in past lives.. Any ways i fell for some one i can't have... Or so i thought but times has changed and so do we... We grown up and changes..
    So three years a go i had a choice to make.. Stay or go...
       .... I picked go.. I left not only to pertect some dear people to me... but i thought  that's what i wanted.... For three years i tried to forget what i left be hide.. Who i left behided.... Not because i hated them.. But because me leaving meant ever promises i mad to them was a lie.. When i made them it wasn't a lie..
    I tryed for get them... To try and deail with the pain i was and still am feeling... I live with what i did ever waking day of my life.. But in those three years i never for got them.... I learn to bury the memories and feelings i had for them.. You know nothing stays buryed a way for ever.. There was always something that triged them and they all came rushing back ten fold!!
  So what dos all this have to do with chasing a Ghost? Yull see..
So i went three years selfishly thing i was the one in pain.. I didn think what the people i left behide was going though... I may never know but i do know one thing it did help us all Grow up and realize how cold of a heartless BITCH this world is!!    

   Oh and i know it was wrong of me to lead some one on like i did.. But i really did not i did love him.... No he did not have all of my heart but he did have some.. I thought if i could love him a little in time it wound grow... And it did.. Just not all the way.. Till it went a way.. I have did things i never thought i wound... I have seen stuff i never thought i wound..... But back on the ghost thing... If i never wound have left i mite have finely had the ghost... But i realized something very inporten a dear friend once told me... You cant go back no matter how hard you try you cant... Life just dos't work like that...
     Last night i finely realized what he mint by that.. I wanted to go back to how everything was before i left.. But   i cant so the only thing left to do is Go foreword... Start over new agen... We all changed in thouse three years i was gone... I wanted to come back and everything fall in to place like in the movies.. but life ant like that.. So will i ever finily catch my ghost..? Or will i never catch and just keep Chasing it? I use to spend hours just thinking of that very question. But Last night i came to realized i didn really care if i did or didn because i know one day i will Catch that ghost! I have wanted five years.. I can wait a life time.. Because in any way i am still in that ghost's life!

 I do want to say that if any one is really reading this and if your one of the People in the post i am sorry i left!  
    But i can't change what had all ready happen! But i will prove to you all day by day that i am not going anywhere this time!!